your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
