I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
