so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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