I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
