This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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