I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
