my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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