adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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