I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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