How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
