i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
