so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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You. Win. At. Life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
