walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
