Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
