i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just had sex on a roof
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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