I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
