Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
