If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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