There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
