omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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