Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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