Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
