Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
