i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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