I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
