Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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