Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
