Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
