saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
barbara walters just said penis...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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