Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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