moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
