pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
