I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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