I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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