You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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