If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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