i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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