we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Randomize
