Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
