then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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