I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
