I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
