my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
