He had one of those small greek statue penises
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
