Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
