yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
