Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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