i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
