fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
