ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
